take your lashes

 you know what's very accessible as long as you have the tools?

information.

the few times i asked my adoptive mother about my birth mother, she got defensive.

i don't know what for, i simply asked a question.

she lashed out with her words whenever she felt threatened.

and judging by the amount of times she yelled, she felt threatened a lot.

i think my mother was made to feel "lesser than" her entire life. with an alcoholic abusive father and emotionally absent mother, she became the caregiver unwillingly. she was also probably kept out of serious talks about the family.

so i'm guessing she had to take care of everybody but they still controlled the purse strings. she had to take care of three unruly brothers and pay out of her own pocket to do it.

she probably got her tubes tied because she knew she didn't want to be a mother. 

i understand now why she did it because I did the same thing and i now have empathy for her. 

i just wish she felt like we could have talked about it.

when you grow up being told to be quiet your whole life, you might accidentally turn around and do it to those your love too.

you might even resort to spankings if yelling isn't enough.

i was told that i was spanked for lying.

what happens if you get in trouble no matter what you say?