i'm mad

I started doing delta 8 because i had an interaction with someone while on real weed that made me consider suicide.

i'm very sensitive about this experience because this person either doesn't remember it happened or was too drunk to remember doing it.

i suppose there's a third option where they knew what they were doing and did it anyway but i don't like thinking about that because it makes me irrationally mad. 

i worked with two girls, let's call them jessica and autumn.

now, autumn has always been secretly jealous/threatened by jessica. i'm sure something happened that made autumn decide she hates jessica.

all i care about is being friends with everyone.

(nobody cares) 

jessica was sitting on the other side of the bar, moping by herself. 

we had just left a house where i said 'hey i might get weird when i smoke weed' and everyone laughed, as they do

when we entered the bar, i suddenly realized i did not want to be in a bar.

being high had finally become an introspective journey for me and i didn't want to be perceived by people if i wasn't ready to be perceived.

in the moments that i was realizing this, i stood behind autumn at the bar and made eye contact with jessica. she smiled at me and i half-waved.

i moved to go around the side. we entered with five other people, none of them needed me. clearly jessica did.

autumn reached up and grabbed me by the neck, holding me against her. 

jessica averted her eyes and my heart exploded into 

(who says you that you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition?)

i left the bar immediately. i had never been prevented from helping someone!

and in such a subtle way. for what? for why? 

i started walking up the parking deck stairs. 

i'm too high to know why i feel so bad. all i can think about is how bad how bad how bad.

it was fully in my power to help jessica but societal pressures dictate that i stay with the group

i was only up there for a few minutes before i got a phone call asking where i went to. 

i didn't know how to answer so i walked back down and went back to it.

(nobody cares)

jessica is happily employed somewhere else and autumn is still doing whatever she wants because no one will stop her. 

(i'd like to stop and mention that autumn deserves her bag just as much as anyone else, this is just my experience and it hurt. )

hurt people hurt people