i wrote this in 2020 but never posted it idk

The internet became popular while I was in the middle of puberty. I had parents who were forty+ years older than me and refused to answer any questions I asked. You can imagine what the sex talk was like: being handed a book about the changes my body would go through. They wanted to make sure I had  all the opportunities the rich white classmates had so they got me my own computer when I was eleven.

  You might see where I'm going with this. Once I found out that sex was something not to be talked about, that was all I wanted to talk about. Considering my mom caught me in the bathroom the first time I was trying to shave my pubic hair and said that only "hussies" shaved down there, I decided I had to learn about sex on my own.

 I couldn't have known I'd end up losing my virginity when I was thirteen to a man I'd known for one week  behind my childhood golf course, in the backseat of a Jetta of the parking lot of an apartment complex his grandmother owned. 

That's when things started looking up.

 I used my overdeveloped feminine body for personal validation in promiscuous acts that started with lying to my mother about where I was walking the dog to meet up with men twice my age. Keep in mind, this was literally when To Catch A Predator was airing on television. You remember that shit?

 Old white men would pretend to be underaged girls and lure them to a secondary location on the premise of having sex with adolescent girls? I saw that show and went 'huh, I never thought of actually hooking up with these guys, i just liked sending them pictures!'

 Hindsight 20/20, I guess. 

I would say I'm lucky I didn't get murdered but I was black, six foot, and huge so I was probably pretty low on the pedophile menu. I was that burrito the size of your head filled with six different kinds of meat that you'd be disgusted to eat but proud if you actually managed not to vomit halfway through.  I'm sure you'd also get your picture on a wall somewhere. 

Shit, one of the guys I used to hook up did end up getting arrested but that was because he was embezzling money out of a hair salon. I only found that out because I looked up his salon the other day on Facebook to see how he was doing and there were multiple posts of "keep me in your prayers!' and 'i could really use a penpal in here!' on the facebook page and my only reaction was 'how the fuck is he posting on facebook right now?'