Friday, September 30, 2022

JJ, how could you?

I don't actually know what psychosis is because I didn't go to school for biology.

Nor did my team of psychiatrists bother to try to explain it to me.

But we did make a lot of references to it. We did talk about how I feel.

They didn't want to give me a diagnosis.

Because no one knows what happened except for me.

Riddle me this Batman:

What happens if you're not suicidal but someone tells everybody that you are?

I just spent five days wondering why the nurses in the emergency room listened to a white man over me. 

I just spent five days trying to convince my doctors that I had no intention of harming myself or others.

I just spent five days wondering why the person who walked me into the E.R. thought it was a good idea to tell authority figures I intended to hurt myself. 

I just spent five days trying to scrub my body clean after a police officer assaulted me. 

I'm not mad, just confused. 

Wondering why the place that I found the most solace in suddenly wants nothing to do with me.

Wondering what I did wrong.

When all I was doing

was

picking up trash.


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