intrux

Without pain, there can be no progress.

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"It's okay, man, I understand what you're going through. It's all gonna work out."
"That guy was so weird! Don't even worry about it, you dodged a bullet with that one."
"You can do better, don't stress out about it."

Worrying was all that he could do. Worrying was what kept him alive. Worrying was a way of telling himself that he cared. He knew it wasn't healthy to constantly be wondering where he was, who he was with, what he was doing. He also knew it wasn't healthy to spend hours imagining them curled up under a blanket, rubbing each others' thighs while a long-forgotten tv show played in the background, an auditory ambience for their hours of ambiguous love-making...

"...-nard. Leonard, honey... Leo! Leo!"

A voice chips into his ear as he blearily blinks awake, drool bubbling up at the corner of his mouth. She's leaned over, snapping red-polished fingernails in his face and he gets a generous view down her shirt, though he's too tired to actually appreciate it. She seems to notice his gaze too and hastily steps back, pulling her dark blue blazer tight over her chest.

"The dean will see you now." Her tone is curt but he can see the blush creeping up her round cheeks. He stands, smirking down at the uptight redhead.  He gives her a quick once-over and turns to open the office door.

"Thanks, Miss Jenkins." His voice is deep and, though she can't see his face, she can hear the laughter in his voice and puffs up.

"That's Mrs. Jenkins to you, Leo!"

He casts warm brown eyes over his shoulder to give her a lazy wink. "We'll see about that."

He's laughing as he opens the door to the dean's office, closing off her irritated squawks as he steps inside. The dark green walls are covered with accolades and certificates while juxtaposed next to pictures of dogs in top hats and framed pictures of the dean juggling bowling pins. The tall black man sitting in front of Leo watches him, chin perched on top of his hands in pensive thought.

"Have a seat ... Leo."

"That's Leonard to you." He instinctively snaps, as he pulls out the plush chair in front of him and carefully lowers himself down. He perches on the edge of the seat, trying not to get comfortable. He'd told himself not to go back to this office. He'd told himself he was worth more than this. "Listen, if this is about the water fountain in the gym, I swear I didn't do it on purpose. Bobby said it couldn't be done and I just had to prove him wrong, you know how he is, and I was gonna put it right back but a professor was coming and I -"

"Relax, pup, that's not why I called you in here." There's a quick lick of his lips as his eyes briefly cast to Leo's chest then back up. "Though maybe it's good that you're pursuing your artistic talent, since it seems your plumbing skills are clearly subpar." Leo's eyes get wide for a minute as the balding older man smiles at him goofily.

"O...kay. Then...what did you call me in here for?"

"Up until recently, you were doing quite well. Your grades were improving, your job was going well, and you're certainly a sight to watch on the court. Then, you know, you fought through some really intense stuff and came out so much stronger, and I fully support you but something...changed. You aren't...yourself anymore, if that makes sense."

Leo's jaw is already setting. He's chewing on the inside of his mouth as he gets the gist of how this conversation is about to go down, like the dozens of other ones he's had with people too dumb to understand. Well, most of them had been too dumb to understand - he was still surprised every day at the growing number of people that simply did their research and came back to him with tact and grace. Leo can already tell this will not be one of those conversations.

"...well, sir, if I'm not acting like myself then who am I acting like?"

The dean of students glares at the stubborn figure seated across from him, running his tongue against the front of his teeth. Leo can tell the older man is annoyed and simply smirks when he narrows his eyes.

"What I mean, is that you seem to be acting out more. You aren't as ... reliable as you used to be. Your father is worried about you. Your professors are worried about you. I...I'm worried about you." He reaches a hand across the desk to try to fill the space they both feel growing between them. Leo jerks his hand back before he even gets close.

"Since when?" Leo's voice has finally bubbled out, breaking the tension that had uncomfortably settled on the surface. "Since when have you been worried about me? Since when has anyone been worried about me? Was it when your wife came home early and I had to actually babysit your kids, just to cover us up? Or maybe it was the time I demanded off-campus students had to pay for parking too because it's literally the fair thing to do? Or maybe it was the time that we got caught doing it in a park and when the cops showed up, you ran like a coward while I had to go to jail because you also grabbed my clothes in your hasty get away? No - wait, it cannot be that you nor the administration really care about me because if you did, there wouldn't be hundreds of bullshit problems popping up around the school all day whose problems never get solved, just the symptoms because the principal has you following him like a dumb dog to pick up his messes. Surely you're too busy with your nose up his ass to give a shit about me, but don't you fucking worry, I am doing fantastic by myself." His voice has cooled to a simmer, as he already knows just how thin these walls can be.

During this rant, the dean has dismounted his chair and strolled over to the window, staring out at the rain that thunders down, overwatering the petunias he'd just planted outside his window. He's watching them drown in a pot too small, his moustached lips turned down into a frown. He turns when Leo is finished, dark eyes gleaming down at the chubby boy who stares defiantly back.

"I just... I really miss you ... Lillian."

Leo's breath catches in his throat at the name and actually recoils, falling back into the overstuffed cushion of the chair. Anger radiates off of him in thick waves, his blood is boiling and making sweat pool up under his backwards-turned hat. He abruptly stands up. He has to get out of here before he says something he'll regret.

"Go fuck yourself, Bradley."

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blah blah blah quits school, is depressed for a while, gets a job - there's a lotta flashbacks to the lover he lost - idk how he lost him yet but they ain't together no more - it's a job he's never done b lah blah exposition, get to know leo more blah blah, finds his will to live while he's living alone but then o no that old lover comes back gasp what happens next i have no fuckin idea