uab

three different services tried to get me to choose them. 

my previous employer, the police, and the firefighters.

each was being suuuuuuuper awkward so i eventually chose my previous employer.

because i was in a very particular kind of head space, i agreed to go into the emergency room.

the nurses in the emergency room were very kind but there was waaaaaaay too much police presence.

i know i i've grown up priveledged in a very unique kind of way but why in the WOLRD were there so many police officers stationed in an emergency room?

i understand the safety aspect, i guess.

but when i decided that i didn't want to stay in the emergency room, i found out why there were so many police officers.

i found out what happens when you tell the police that you're not a harm to anyone.

i found out what happens when nobody cares that you're not going to kill yourself.

why didn't the police allow me to leave when i wanted to leave?

why was the room decorated with things i could have potentially harmed myself with?

why was there a segregated area of the emergency room where people were just covered with blankets and getting some well-deserved rest?

why were there sooooooooooooo many black people and 1 white couple wearing masks cowering in the center of it all?

why did the police get to decide i was too rowdy and needed to be tied to a gurney?

why did they pull up their masks but not provide me one?

 what did they put in my body to make me go to sleep almost immediately?

and who gave them the right to do that? 

because i know i didn't, lmao.