five of me

"Five of Me" documents how Leslie came to be born. She explores the world of her parents and their history, delving into their desire for a child and the frustration they faced when they weren't able to conceive.

I found this story fascinating that it was told from her mother's point of view. I mean, there would be no other way to do it but it was really interesting to see the details that she thought out and her speculations on what her parents felt. These speculations make the story seem more real to me because our author wasn't the one who was there but it able to accurately paint the picture to show how her mother must have felt. There was a lot of detail, which I liked, because it didn't gloss over her mother's attempts unlike most stories do with a simple "they tried for months and grew more downtrodden but then a baby was miraculously born". Instead, Leslie took that phrase and expanded on the experience, creating an overall interesting story to read and a personal look into the events that transpired before her birth.

I didn't like the ending. I understand where it came from, as a reference to her mother's treatment where there was a possibility of sextuplets. I understand that the memoir has come to a close and needs to be wrapped up in some way to show Leslie's birth into the world but it felt like it fell short. There was such great imagery throughout the whole piece and she started to continue that imagery on the last page, painting the scene of her parents and brother and what they were doing. But I guess I would have liked to see a guess on her mother receiving the news or (if possible) a scene documenting the positive pregnancy test. Because there wasn't ever a scene, it kind of dragged on even though the information was interesting.

The last line just...didn't work for me? I guess because Leslie didn't touch on the possibility of sextuplets more than once in the piece. I almost feel like it would have worked even better with just cutting that last line and ending it that way. I guess because I was confused at one point where I thought Leslie was the older sibling so I thought that the story would end without her mother getting pregnant. But once I got to the end, it all made sense. I don't think that needs clarification because I'm just a ditz and bad at paying attention. On the note from earlier, I think there could be a different title. I don't have any specific suggestions but I think it could be better at talking about what the story will address.

Great work!!