First of all, I absolutely loved the tone of this story. You portray yourself realistically and talk about situations that have happened to ALL of us (in different forms) without shying away from the gory details. You also touch on personal Auburn experiences, such as the wonder of the drunk bus specifically the snickering on the bus when us friendly passengers see the drivers as people rather than a personal chauffeur. Your humor combines well with the story, with details in certain places where you admit to exaggerating for the sake of writing and sarcastic thoughts that made me laugh out loud (lolroflmycopter etc.) (i.e. "no, Dan, I was actually hoping you would ignore my question" and "'her lukewarm coffee trickling down my calf' hardly gets the point across")
I'm sure this will be brought up in class because it's quite obvious that there are no paragraph breaks so I won't waste time talking about that. And while I understand the need to describe your unlucky day, I feel like you wanted the core of your story to be about your time on the drunk bus which is why I might recommend cutting down some of the information beforehand. As it is, your bad day takes up half the paper which threw me off because I didn't realize that the paper would be so short. I didn't see any real reflection or meaning behind the story or how it effected you besides making drunk bussing a hobby. I don't want you to cut the humor anywhere but it kind of creates a joking mood that takes away significance from the piece overall. I think there could have been more description of those in the drunk bus or describing the air in the drunk bus. I think I'm not the only one when I say "when you get on that bus, there are certain people around you that create a mood." I'd also like to hear your thoughts on why you thought his story was dumb, though I looooved that the girls in the bus began holding out their hands for a piece without question.
Please don't lose your humor, Plz.
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