you're on a thin ice pedestal

what a mental catastrophe!
always waking up in agony,
always searching for bantering
but never having an offering -
beg and plead for understanding
but can't accept the suffering
and even though i'm nurturing
your actions have begun to bother me.
i've spoke my mind, said my piece
i'm almost there, at the feast
when the reckoning comes, i'll say the least
because all i want is chaotic peace.
shade and sun, the duality of man
light and dark, fix what you can
yin and yang, the balanced fish
push and pull, let's make a wish:
i hope this all plays out from here
no more tickets, please, the board is clear.

crooked

i will hide,
i will not stay
to watch you dance
while i turn gray.
i will stand
in my own room
smile and nod
and shift my broom.
you can try
to include me
but i stay strong,
this rude me.
i love you both,
and i respect
what you have
what i regret
i'll keep calm
stay the course,
since my psalm,
pray for worse.
cause this is nothing
my will is strong,
if you want me to see,
come pet my dog.

teases

pensive tracing on
paper brown
once so high
now, coming down
to taste the air,
to feel the breeze,
you must feel time,
must taste the freeze.
the frigid air of tainted dreams
of sullen auras, of clever schemes
and once you reach
the end of night
toss and turn,
put up a fight.
for in dreams,
you will find release
of many created,
of dark defeat.

tessellate

slowly slipping into silence
growing, gripping, giving guidance
tempting and tainted by tumultuous teams
silently sewing scandelous schemes
blissful but blunted
berate me until i bleed
don't try to sugar coat it
i hope to one day succeed
i'll try to stay floating
cause even though my energy
ebbs and flows like synergy
i cannot take belittling
unless it is covert mutiny
with the promise of calamity,
how will you preserve your sanity?

ground cayenne

forged and forgotten
in feverish fences
never near enough
to bash the balance
trippy and trickling
tipsy and tackled
we fish and fondle
we find out and fangirl
chased until dead,
until feelings get caught
shred the red, boys!
don't just do as you're taught
cause limited means
there isn't a lot
this feeling ain't new,
it has long after been saught
close your eyes, breathe
seize your day
you aren't human, baby
you're one of the fae

how could i be so blind

i must be an idiot
with a big sign over my head
that reads something like:
"hey, come fuck me then leave me for dead.
don't worry about my feelings
i have no emotions every which way
i will never call you on your bullshit
and you can treat me any type of way.
i'm just here to please you
i'm here to make you look good
i'm here to show you how to better yourself
i'm here for you to lay down the wood.
i do not exist as a person,
i am only a being that will provide
don't worry about being the worst
cause in the end i'll still get out alive
don't worry about what i think
don't worry about what i feel
only worry about your own experience
don't focus on how i show you i'm real"
cause that's really the only way
to provide reasons as to why i'm stuck
but yo, i'mma go about my merry day
while y'all waste your time with a hate fuck.

it feels better biting down

oh great kleptomaniac - 

oh great keeper of keys

please say i'm not a meglomaniac

i just want to enjoy the breeze

i'll keep to myself,

if it pleases the court

allow me to melt

cause this isn't my sport

i can be patient

(if i really have to)

i'll be complacent 

(i'll just be sad, too)

i understand if this isn't the way

i fold and cower from the biggest play

i embarrassed myself, but i have no regret

i'll be whatever you want, i can be your pet

ramble

golly golly gulpers, come here and funnel my light
grab it, hold it, stretch it, tell me it's alright
i can't breathe when you're near, trying to show you i care
i smirk and sigh when you ask me if you can touch my hair
not because i don't want you, it's because i want you to
you act like you didn't mean to but you're stuck to me like glue
do you like me out of necessity?
who wouldn't want a rest from these?
i've trully made a mess from ease
so now i come, i've dropped on my knees
the time has come, youre name was called
the mystery's over but hasn't been solved
you can give it, and i can take it too
but we need more time to see this through
what would happen if we stuck to the plan?
what if you were my biggest fan?
i need to make this happen,
i need something to change
i need to quit fappin'
i need to find my range
i'll let my voice echo,
let it screech through the sky
i'm not sure how to let go
i only know how to die