make sure you're not sitting too close to the tv

He can feel eyes on him. Even as he's staring up at the screen, wordlessly reaching for the bowl of popcorn Eli's holding in his lap. He wants to pretend like he doesn't know but it's been at least three minutes.

"Yes, sir, can I help you?" His asks playfully, finally turning to look at the handsome blonde sitting next to him.

"Oh, no, I was just admiring how gorgeous you look in low light."

Leo scoffs immediately. "I'm sure that's supposed to be a compliment but it comes off a little rude. 'You're prettiest with the lights off, baby'." He starts snickering, trying to cover his warm cheeks.

"Boy, shut up and take the compliment." He swats the handful of popcorn out of Leo's hand with a quick swipe.

"Hey! Someone's gonna have to clean that up later! Also, I was eating that!"

"That's not all you're gonna be eating if you don't behave yourself." Eli gives a dark look, tracing his warm hand up Leo's bare arm.

Leo shivers and scoots down in his seat, warmth bubbling from the spot Eli touched him and spreading to his whole body.

"Don't threaten me with a good time..." He murmurs, sneaking his right foot over to tangle between Eli's legs, rubbing gently against his ankle.

The moment of silence between them is long, aching as they both look down at their overactive feet.

"I think I need a reminder that you're not just all talk." Eli finally admits, watching the screen. "Whaddaya say to reminding me what that mouth can do?"

Leo's breath catches in his throat and suddenly he's looking forward, heart racing as the idea fills his brain. He can't look at his partner or else he might burst with adoration - they both know this is why Leo begged to go to the movies. They both know why they picked a movie neither was interested in. They both know why they sat in the very very back.

"Good question, but I don't know how well I can see in this light. I might need a flashlight to get started..."

Eli grabs him by the back of the head.

holesome

Leo's legs are splayed out on the other man's lap, head tilted back to stare up at the stars. Constellations unfold above him as his eyes adjust to the light, transformative winds tugging at his curly hair.

"Hey Eli?" His voice is dazed, partly because he should have been asleep hours ago and partly because of the butt of a joint still burning in the ashtray.

"Yeah?"

"When was the last time you talked to your parents?"

There's a long silence. It stretches for what feels like eons as Leo begins to shift uncomfortably. He starts to pull his feet out of the blond's lap when strong hands grasp his toes and pull him closer.

"At least a year. They weren't the most...receptive about me coming out. They claim to still love me but they've got a hell of a way of showing it." He sighs, pressing his fingers down on the tops of Leo's feet, doodling circles with his gentle touch.

"Do you miss them?"

"Sometimes. I miss the meals my mom would cook for all of us. My older brother got most of my dad's attention and my mom felt like my sister failed her by not going into modeling. She taught me a lot about cooking, things they don't teach you in culinary school. But that all kind of fell off when I dropped out. They wouldn't let me move back in with them and I refused to beg so I've just been figuring it out on my own since then." He pauses to shrug and Leo can see something glittering behind his eyes, a determined glare daring him to lock horns.

"Your love comes through in your cooking. I seriously felt like I was being wrapped up in a hand-knit blanket when I took a bite of that pot pie."

Eli's grin is shy and he instinctively lifts a hand up to self-consciously cover his tooth gap.

"Can I cook with you next time? Instead of just going 'oh that smells good!' every ten minutes?"

Eli finally laughs, squeezing Leo's left foot. "Only if you promise to stay away from baking. Your apple pie was terrible."

Now Leo is the one laughing, shoving at Eli's shoulder. "Shut up, it wasn't that bad! It just...got a little extra flavor to it. Can't be mad at that!"

"Sweetie, the crust was black, I don't think that's the kind of flavor profile you want with a fucking pie."

"I don't see you making a pie any better! At least I tried!" They're wrestling now, rolling the other around on the patio, struggling for dominance. Eli finally pins Leo down with a swinging leg to the waist, holding both of Leo's hands down.

"I know exactly what pie you haven't messed up." He leans down to press a hungry kiss to Leo's neck, breathing heavily against the soft skin.

Leo lets out a soft moan and struggles against Eli's surprisingly strong grip. He wiggles helplessly as lustful eyes watch the top of Eli's head bob up and down, covering his vulnerable neck in sloppy kisses. "Oh yeah? Well, are you gonna take a slice or not?"

Eli pulls back to meet Leo's hungry gaze with a very similar one, electricity bouncing between them. The tension is palatable, a sizzling burning cinnamon that threatens to tip into a warm brown butter.

"I want the whole pie, bitch."

withdrawn

The tide crashes and falls on the sandy shore. A pink shaded moon hangs over the house as gentle tides lick Leo's toes.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He has to call over his shoulder. Though it's dark, he knows he can't look in his direction. He doesn't want to give him the satisfaction.

"I just...I'm not attracted to you. Like, you're a cool person and I really enjoy being around you but I'm not...sexually attracted to you."

"No, no, believe me I understand that part. But what about the other thing?" Leo's response is too quick, like he's had this conversation many times before.

"Oh, yeah, this was only meant to be temporary. I wasn't planning to stick around. There's bigger and better things out there."

"...Yeah, I guess you're right. I mean, I know you're right - I just hadn't thought that far ahead. I'd always said I was gonna get out of here but instead I just got more comfortable."

"Change is thrill, comfort kills." His response is immediate, like it had been a mantra for him before.

Leo sniffs a little and hopes the cool breeze hides his attempt to stop his nose from running. The mucus hits the back of his throat and he swallows, grateful to have some vice that would push him through this pain. A little booger sugar never hurt anybody...right?

"Coke is a rich man's drug that'll get a poor man caught up, Leo."

"Shut up, I'm just cold."

cautionary tale

accidentally swallowed my favorite beans

to toddle toward those towering beams

and, in the end, when they clean

they just want your soul, they want you keen.

for goals are always just a dream

a step up in the corporate scheme

so when you're standing, or when you lean

always make sure to say just what you mean.

for as we tumble toward what is real

we try to keep an image, we strive for ideal

and when it comes time to give your schpiel

you repeat and repeat, you broke the wheel

the wheel of misfortune, where dreams go to rot

and threaten to claim you with its nefarious plot:

just keep failing, baby, never try to grow

just keep grinding, grab that bag of blow.

and though your hear them, your family and friends

you only look forward to the apparent end

so try not to stutter, always watch where you step

and please don't get caught up in what you might regret.

tippy toes

i won't keep whimpering
boy, i love to talk
so, as the mind keeps whispering,
still here i stalk -
find my course,
to speak my mind,
to run its course,
such a delicate line.
a river whose flow ebbs and wanes
a consciousness that will forever stain
swallowing all the misery
without a trace of errant glee
i went ahead and paid my fee
so give me space, time to bleed
bleed out for you,
in this endless dream
bleed out blue,
come chug my steam
the hottest of takes,
we spit and we spit
true gloom it will take
to really not get bit.

tread true

maladapted to shy beginnings,
we've come to claim our unearned winnings
maybe belittling the few who stay
maybe regretting coming out to play
for nights will churn and wash away
the errant dirt caked up all day
fresh and clean, we've washed and dried
always aware of the constant eye
memory arches to see it through
familiarity persists, you're still a dude
please see me, your eyes are warm
i'll take it easy, but i should personally warn:
if you aren't ready for the ride of your life,
then continue on your own, without my strife.
i buck and i bruise and i bite real hard
even with that, you'd still have to pick a card
is it diamonds or hearts, where do you lie?
clubs or spades, i certainly hope you're bi
not that it matters, cause i know i won't win
it's too hard to be heard over this raucous din
so i'll keep to myself, even though i must shine
i'll lay low today, for tomorrow, we dine.

smoldering

glowing and weaving these dreams of silk,
webbed up in angles, we feed them our milk
the savory of sweet, singing of soup
lazily, languidly, lassoing a loop.
a fevered fetish fills the favor
and fiending for friendship so full of flavor
basking in the radiance of your glowing smile
please, oh please, won't you come stay a while?
this palace of lights that i've built for two
never really bothering to say that it's for you
cause i wax and wane with the phase of the moon
but you smile and you fade, as if i'm too soon
i'll lust and i'll beg, but only in imagination
and, somehow, never reach that point of consternation
for your great unknown will forever be a dream
(even though you're shining, your eyes, they gleam)
a certain glittery hazel, that warms my soul
but i get so caught up in passing the bowl
that my words get twisted, and i ache for flesh
but our personalities stitch together, like magnetic mesh
so i'll wait and i'll slumber, until times get better
and i'll shiver from the cold, but i've still got my sweater

while she's waiting tables and i'm just watching her go

worshipping the ground you tread and trickle
feverishly feel but always too fickle
caught in the ways, we wander and wane
strictly the same, we savor the strain
that good that we smoke, that we trouble
tring to change, wep ut in the double
maladapted to change, to the eerie abyss
always stuck posing, of feeling remiss
come try the hottest of flavors, embrace the new
of nothing ever borrowed, of a new car too blue
skimp and save, if you dare to try
polished off, brave, to leap into the sky
flying and falling, perspiring for more
swallowing and crying, but i'm still kind of poor
but she sips and sways while i scoot and confound
and she smiles while she says "I want to be found"
i smile and want to kiss her, to hold her a lot
but i'm not brave enough, i'm a perpetual thot
whisky? maybe, if the time is right
or maybe some gin? what an awesome sight
smashing this alone, like the shit's gonna rot
but now it's my time, to get lost in thought.

gin & on it

mellow but manic
sweet but sour
fruity but tannic
brave but cower
slipping but ready
dry but wetter
panicked but ready
worse but better
slow but faster
breathy but breathless
submissive but mister
guided but listless
mouthy but silent
sinking but swimming
tiny but giant
sexless but rimming
foolish yet wise
truthful but lies
marching but creeping
quiet but inging
following but leading
original but repeating

let me

mellow & melodic, the moon serenade and soothes
precious and cathartic, her tunes create some grooves
feelings once hidden, finally come to light
whispers well spoken that try to create a fight
tossing and turning, the crashes of waves simplify
while the ashes laid on grave will never rectify
the memories you gave, that you thought you let go
because it was time to heal, it was time to regrow
yet, instead, we sit here bathing in the sun
not quite sure why you're tempted by the gun
escape is an answer, but one with a twist
it's a door you can't close unless you open your fist
through the struggle is real, our daily lives entwine
lady luck has smiled so i've found my spine
so i'll sit up straighter and give you a hand
from now on, please embrace me, so that we both can stand

awaken, my love

He feels like the lasers are chasing him. He doesn't know where they stop and where he begins. His breath is ragged, he's been running for too long. He stops to take a breath and hears faint barking from a ways behind him.

He has to keep going.

He's tumbling through the woods, feeds gliding across brush and roots like he's done this before. He doesn't recognize any of the trees shooting by him or the dangling low branches that scratch at his face. He can only feel...a pulse.

Something is calling him, something pulls his erratic movements. Something guides him from tripping over the giant rock before it suddenly appears in his path. As soon as he sees it, his feet are lifting into the air and he's springboarding off the top of it and, for a brief moment, he's falling through the air. His eyes are wide as his hair fans out around his head.

Before he can second-guess this wild run, he's landed and he's sprinting again.

He knows before he even gets there. He knows what he's about to see, knows who he's about to meet, knows that it's all about to change.

He comes rumbling into the clearing, a light shining through the canopy to reveal the scene before him. Something he'd seen in a dream? Or maybe a nightmare?

There's a figure hunched to the side, thin fingers paging through a book that's filled with some ancient, mystical language that Leo can't get a good look at. His eyes turn to the only other thing moving in the scene.

A chill runs down his spine as the wind stops funneling at his back and all goes quiet as he watches the small pile of blood pooling under the figure strung from the lowhanging branch. For a moment, he thinks he can see strips of clothing hanging from the figure, a blue tattered shirt...he blinks harder and realizes that is only a deer, a young one, cut from belly to chest and blood seeping down it's neck to land in  small pan on the ground.

Leo's frozen. He's so stunned by the sight in from of him that he can't move his feet. Instinct tells him to run, to hide, and yet he can't get his damn legs to move an inch.

"You lost them."

The creaking voice startles him into movement and he hops a step back.

"Not on purpose. I guess they just...didn't follow me well enough."

"Good. You were supposed to come alone."

Leo looks around incredulously. This person...knew he was coming? Leo hadn't even known what he was running from, let alone toward.

"It'll all make sense later. Come." The figure unfolded itself to stand, not much taller than the branch holding the offering. Their hair was long, dark, and hanging in messy strands covering their face.

Leo took a hesitant step forward. "How am I supposed to trust you?"

"Why wouldn't you?" The voice is laughing and Leo doesn't have a proper chance to react. A cold hand is gripping his and squeezing his fingers in a hard grasp and, for a brief moment, he feels like he can see everything. The whole world, the matrix, the energy that makes up the whole place.

Everything goes black.

wasting

He's stumbling down the aisle, bright lights flashing in the corners of his eyes. He's breathing a little too hard, from the angry jog.

An associate looks at him with wary eyes and he quickly glances away, taking the wrong turn and skirting his glance over vitamins he didn't need and supplements that he doesn't want.

His heart is jumping in his throat. It's been so long -  he'd almost forgotten the excitement, the energy that two bodies could generate, writhing around on a filthy couch with soft rock playing in the background.

He knows this is the right thing to do but all he can feel is annoyance as he turns the corner and spies the familiar square boxes, advertising various shapes and sizes and colors he didn't even know existed. Has it really been that long?

He's rolling a cigarette around between his lips, wetting the filter as he quickly scans over the hearty selection. He finally gives an audible grunt of frustration and grabs the absolute middle package, one that is neither for too big or too small and advertises nothing but ninety-nine percent protection.

He lights his cigarette with shaky hands as he exits under the familiar blue and yellow light, five-finger discount tucked into his jacket pocket as he begins the quick jog home.

He hopes there's still a handsome blonde waiting in his bed.