lowly places

sativa swelling and plaid jackets
black queer dwelling and mystery packets
forgotten drives and 'kevin' yelling
bee hives and face melting

booby traps and missed shifts
no babysitter and fuck lyft
delayed internet and missed bills
upscale house and cheap thrills

pool shark nights and drunken sways
missing shots and broken plays
back child support and no renewal
no time for court and no time to sue

hurt feelings and joking teams
quiet now and lending dreams
online shopping and misplaced lighters
missed trash days and mma fighters

drunken advice and time to need
working later, it's time to bleed

desperation

i never want to hear you say
"you're too much, go away"
but it's too late to go for broke
i'm too tired to say "stay woke"
let me embrace and give you love
i'm sorry for insisting you wear a glove
i wish i could feel your beard
i wish you weren't sick and instead were here
is your experience as weird as mine?
will you keep clean & come back to dine?

plastic

my wings are made of plastic
i've tried flying up to the sun
she tried to melt me when i tried to lick
her curly tendrils and have some fun.

she isn't sorry but she still shines
warmth cocoons in a cool breeze
i do not make men mine
i only have them on a lease

they come and go but self is forever
you're not defined by their validation
you only have time to say 'never'
but i creep forward with trepidation.

i know how to trash talk and tease
sex is truly unnecessary
i like the feeling of sweet release
with my own hand i will bury
my sexuality and my feelings
in the back of my cunt
strive to stay out of dealings
and never put up a twisted front.

the moon is my world and her worldly views
guide me through, devoid of tricks
don't mind giving the news
but my wings are made of plastic

processing parental predictions

i'm sorry y'all, i got distracted
my job was fun, i'm money reactant

i didn't do the research necessary
to return to auburn in january
tuition was due december ninth
and i couldn't fake it, give money on time

so instead of struggling to make ends meet
i'm staying in birmingham for a work retreat
buckle down, save some money now that i know how
serve some tacos to live in the here and now

i want to take a computer class
to earn the three credits to save my ass
i'll return to school in the fall
with financial aid in order to pick up the ball

do my final year to get my degree
and walk across the stage in 2018

i'm so sorry it's taken this long
i got distracted in college by the bong

i really mean it, that i'm getting better
as you can see by this open letter

i got you, family, i won't be a burden
i'll earn my keep & get every word in

just let me share but i need some space
i love you both, let's just keep pace

when the moon met the sun

please don't come near me
don't even breathe on me
i can't feel my face
and i can't feel my eyes
i've made myself numb
so that i can realize:

you don't actually want me
or even tolerate my presence
i'm just a fucking nuisance
you've made yourself clear: opalescent

i can't keep wiggling in the background
now that i'm on the job grind
looking to get dumbfound
ed by someone who can't separate
i'm happy chasing shawn who might even
or maybe mitchell to try to relate
even though he lives so far away

i don't want to stop, you're fucking beautiful and i still haven't told you
but i'm clearly throwing myself against a wall, a wall of blue
maybe we can get a game, a weekly routine
something to look forward to, a plan that can be seen

i think we both like impulse
we both crave change
but we also want stability
we both wanna play the game

i wanna take you out
you wanna stay in
i wanna come home to you
you wanna stay zen
i interrupt your flow
you think i throw you off
you're just unreceptive
to my energy, you want to brush me off

i was insistent at first
was pushing because you wouldn't budge
you said things that excited me
i wanted to show off a little pudge

i like to feel your eyes
i want to draw your gaze
if it's only for a little while
if it's only so you can see the maze

they say you can lead a horse to water
but you can't make it drink
i wish i would lead you to this fire
so you could tell me what you think
not what you feel, not summarize with a 'yes' or 'no'
but why you think the way you do, why you feel i gotta go.

cause i don't believe you
i think you're fucking scared
you think we fit too well
and you feel unprepared

you think time & distance is what we need
you need to get out of that toxic house
you need some fucking room to breathe

move in with me, let's go play house
i won't harass you, i'll be your spouse
not the sexy kind, where we kiss and stuff
but the motherly kind who'll love you tough

let me take care of you and you can go do you
i won't distract you 'cause i'll be out there too

but homer needs a space to call his own
so he can try to heal and you can be
i want my space too, a place to feel safe alone
but i can't supervise myself, i need a wraith
(i had to look that up because i wasn't sure)
i need some spooky shit, i think that's the cute

float in, float out, give me cryptic advice
so i have to dive into words, figure out what's right

i'm good at being goofy, cutting up in real time
i'm even better at getting real, talking about shit in a rhyme

coffee process #24

abrupt music change to slow down the vibe
i like the smooth jam and our little tribe

i try to calm down, to tone down my intensity
because i know i'm a lot, even for prosperity

i mold to my companions, to the people around
i feel what they feel and don't touch the ground

i like the feeling of feeling together
i'm scared of these changes, the change in weather

does it mean i fucked up? that i said the wrong thing?
should i keep chasing clayton? were we supposed to fling?

i'm worried about him, about his sudden absence
i'm hoping he misses me and my chubby assets

keep walking riley, sway those shoulders with pride
i like the thought of seeing your bride
not your partner or lover or even your friend
but a bridal in your mouth and a tail in your end

i ride you like a horse, dominate your awkward
lay you down, no, slam, and bend you backward

feed you my cock then eat your ass
bring you such pleasure and treat you with class

i could dominate, sure, if the energy's there
i could dress you up or strip you bare

i like the beards of rugged men
because i want one too and i don't want ben
i like to cross off what i do & don't like
i like to dress up and flaunt what i got for mike

i'm sure he doesn't care, though his eyes say different
but it's cold now so those teal shorts get bent

i should probably get ready, put my clothes on proper
go make some money then get improper

stir crazy

so you got the bug? the one where everyone's sick?
i believe you, sure, but what if it's a trick?

there's no need to get bogged down
stuck here, in the upside down
wondering if i'm the only clown
who never learned not to drown

your ideas are great and we live for fear
we pretend to care for what you hold dear
while wishing for someone else
looking for a sign, for a sense of self

i can't forget, forget what went down that night
how much you teased me and how it felt so right
how you made my heart feel and my body fight
how i walked on air and i felt so bright

i knew you'd come and that's why i went
i know i'm dumb and emotionally spent

but i long for you, for warm spoons
for full moons,
for sandy dunes,
for darkened rooms

when you forget our gap and ask for fate
where we say 'damn the costs' and stay up late
where we tease and giggle and get more drunk
where i tell you my soul while we get crunk

not because i think you'll change
but because i want you to know my name

i want to know your's since we hardly talk
we only goof around and i try not to stalk
your habits and your ideas or your whereabouts
but it's hard not to like you and your roundabouts

pre-work process #6

i'm too obsessed but not stressed
rigor mortis has been onset

remember clayton and your ways?
learn from failure, catch some rays

the tubes reveal what we knew was true
smoking is bad but good for you

meghan maybe ruined your fun
but you got a pointed, pointed gun

always jerking, never tired
horny sometimes, you've been rewired

your sex is your's and you've spent hours
achieving orgasm like it's been required

spend your days and earn your nights
lose your battles but win your fights

your hands smell like bold memories
your mind's a trap, with a new reverie

let it wash all over, you've been replaced
with the sickness, it's not your place
to come up always, make your mind be quiet
get a margarita, the peach, let's go try it

bait

the salty depths
know no satisfaction
seaweed hands grasp for feet
they shake, we shake it off
to continuously reach up
how can you long for connection
when you're blindly grabbing?

you have to study your subjects
study the divers brave enough to brush your tendrilws
wait with your mouth open, turn your light on
(you'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar)

if you're going to wait to be amused
i suggest you grab on when you see it
divers will get more and more rare when
you've got a shark circling your waters.

a shark who means well enough,
whose ego causes him to circle his little colony
that stays lit even when his home isn't being threatened

it might look like your seaweed is ineffective
but really you've awakened their phantom limbs.
they feel your grasp, long after you're gone
but by then, they don't know where that seaweed went
and your grasp isn't long enough to touch them at the surface\

so they look for another place to dive.

process #12

how endearing, built for our own courses
rude and goofy meets playful and brash

do i follow him around like a puppy?
there's really no following invovled
besides, he won't him me up to hang
so i have to ask him myself

i think he likes that, he just doesn't like it 24/7
if we can go for a few days without hanging,
i think it might be stronger

i'm excited for the rescue
hopefully it doesn't rain

are these shorts too short?
pups will be jumping, perhaps shorts with less tug

leave wallet in car, bring keys
i need to pee but i can't really see

the sky is cloudy, it's saturday
hop in felicia, go see some dogs today

let me cum on your face
let me ride you, try to keep pace

fool me twice

did i ruin our plans
did i crush your dreams
you cute and all
but you aren't what you seem

don't get me wrong,
you really are sweet
but boy you ain't dom
at least not with me

if i'm gonna get topped
then you better believe
that he got a fat cock
and he can make me bleed

nate kept going,
he was hot as hell
had a great rhythm
and decent smell

your cock wasn't bad
or your method, boo
but your passion was off
it didn't feel true

i know you were trying
but you wouldn't even moan
bend me over backwards
give me back my bone.

ehhhhh

he's a tramp
but on craisglist
searches for the
perfect dick
he's a tramp
men adore him
his girlish ways & his hips
he's a tramp
ladies want him
but he don't have the sway

H

what if i died today
and the last words i had to say
were nothing short of excellence
but also extremely irrelevant?

if i claimed i missed you now
and cried until you took a bow?

you kiss my eyes
and lay me down
fold my arms
give me a crown
made of lilies and violets
provide a suit
would it be black?
or would i look like loot?

you said it'll fall on you to bury me, right?
but what i burned up to save you the fight?

you'd cry, yes, but not for me
you'd cry for you, for what i couldn't be.

you wouldn't even know who to invite
there were so many, i brought such light

i'll end this here & i'll end it nice
i'll never tell you, but i've done it twice

hetero progress

women are pretty
women are great
i'm happy to flirt
maybe change my gait?

you know you like them
and you're good at smirks
you don't need labels or titles
your fluidity works

it's fun being gay
but where are the tops?
no one to really put me in my place
no one to trust to stuff my face

so instead of dreaming
about missing bam
maybe we should really focus
on trying to be cam

(cam newton of course, not westbrook
he's muscular and smiley
not bitchy and broke)

process #23

let me go where i please
try and stop me, i need a lease

gonna stay where i am, try to get a job
your guilt won't stop me, but i love you mom

i'm not trying to manipulate you
but maybe intentions don't matter and i'm shitty - boo.

it's halloween here but you wouldn't know
no one here's in the spirit so i might just go

it could pass by this year without comment
i could let this go without lament

cause how many times have expectations not gone down
how many lives have i lived to get let down

like look at me now, i woke up craving pickles
and after standing in line, i found they were out
but instead of leaving, of getting lunch at sonic
i still ordered because i'm used to doubt

doubt in myself, doubt in the world
constantly let down isn't the word.

i want to believe, to trust in you
but you'll be gone, you'll dip out too.

i can't believe i smiled at him
but he mad cute, i bet he's named tim

i want some ketchup but the zipper's broke
pull my shirt down a lot, i'm feeling woke

pep talk #7

you're a newbie, yeah, but that hasn't stopped you before
you're effective as shit & not a whore

don't get lost, you're stronger than this
you're a good guy, who don't have time for shit.

wipe it off when the stress bottles up
you're a big boy now, who's chosen the cup

just keep cool, don't hit yourself
you make your own future, be a nice elf.

answer any questions and be a good boy
the more you take on and the less coy
you act you won't actually suffer for shit
be honest, yes, but don't get bit.

"fake it 'til you make it" is what they say
don't doubt yourself, that's the feminine space

you're aware of your limits but you can reach further
the system's fucked up but you can still be a good server!

the dinner rush is where the money's made
you can do it yourself but you can ask for aid

work as a team, don't just stay down
pre-bus that shit, keep moving around.

wide eyes wonder if you're gonna make it
don't be dead weight if you're gonna fake it

i can feel you

i want to say i'm sorry that i didn't see it coming
i want to feel bad, to know that i'm bumming
i wanted your energy, i wanted your creativity
but i wanted another you, tried to take your sexuality

i don't regret you because i regret nothing
but you were a reminder, that people are something

you cared so much, which is really not a lot
but in comparison, that's what i thought.

you checked with me constantly, tried to peek in
i let you at first & you never let me win

i'm glad our egos took to arms
i'm glad i met you & your subtle charms

you were sweet as pie & daring in bed
but i asked so many questions & fucked with your head

i'm not beautiful, or that's what my shadow self claims
my ego is beautiful but that's just not the same.

we're caught in depression, caught in routine
we need a blast of fresh air to remind us of teams

you were a gust, not quite a gale
you were a conquest, and a sexual fail

it was nothing you did, it's all on me

i can't communicate desire, i can't just let it be

i've perverted myself and i'm sorry for that
let's learn something here: i am not fat

morning coffee

she wants to move to california
what makes you think i would warn you?
can't stop dreaming of little blogs
can't stop to go work with dogs
waiting for the cold brew coffee
killing time until i need to offer

love to serve but love to end
wish for freedom and wish for friends
sent it off for the family results
check the mailbox for studding cults

i wish i even knew what i liked
but i needed the edge, to be ready to strike

sue can try but i won't be dragged
i stay afloat and don't get ragged
i do my job and i hope for more
i live for excitement and hate to be burned

in that way, maybe cali is for me
but i'm afraid to be tempted by the tree
that's my fear, really, to be caught in haze
to lose myself, and burned by rays

i hope auburn works because i need structure
but i'm also resistant to friendship nuptials

my tree of knowledge

figure things out? okay i'll take the hint
we were interesting, yeah, but it was just a stint
i'm unhealthy for you and that's what you think
you're moving on and i'm not the missing link
you closed your eyes and i made you think
i won't chase you now that you've made a stink

i'm sorry for me and my insistent emotions
i'm trying to bleed out in epic proportions

you're way too sweet for me to break
i won't let you since i'm more than you can take

your eyes were alive when they caught mine
but we're passing ships, i'm sorry to whine

you only asked for introspective things
you never asked for me to put a ring
on it, but that's what i did
i tried to pin you down like a fkn kid.

you're worth more than my obsessive self
and i really hope you take care of your self

i was intense, yes, but you fed on me
you bathed in my light and you climbed my tree

well hell 11/30

let me in to your heart
grin & play the part
of joyful, fun-loving black man
trip over shoes and try to stand
for something meaningful
without falling for someone beautiful

i wish i had spent more time with liz
or at least not been consumed by astro biz
he was sweet, very interesting in fact
but he disappeared when you lost your tact

i care not about drinks
but of forging new links

let me smile and talk with your feels
but i'll step back so you can have your ideals.

not drinking at all? this idea fascinates me
just wander through the drunks, sober as can be?

mixing the fixings

to top or bottom? to give or get?
to have, to hold? remember or regret?
is it always so black & white?
is sex either situationally wrong & sometimes right?
i feel so caught, caught in the plight
neverending orgasm, no satisfaction in sight

a quest to conquer, or to be bound
by hulking muscles or to be found
forced and fucked, squashed to the ground
raped by an intruder, made to get pounded
with such heavy words and my barely-slurs
forced to fuck, barely heard

or can it be soft? with ease and grace?
flexible maybe, with love and taste
asking questions to make sure you're good
ask for consent, to make sure you could

feel like you're in a safe place
somewhere to giggle and save face
gentle always, to caress the body
swooning love songs, just free to be

i can never decide which is which
oh fuck it all, just call me a switch

black king

you're an alien, i was caught in consciousness
even as i struggled for resemblance
for something other than incompetence ,
you were screaming good riddance
at my constant menace, at my lack of penance.

you asked me if i really thought you didn't listen
i answered honest but you aren't forgiven
it made you imperfect, an object that i didn't want
it made you human, even if you broke my walls.

i miss you now, more than ever
your softest skin and burns so clever
how you always strive to put me down
how you hated having me around

i made up reasons, i made some friends
i left them here, split dividends
your soothing voice and your mango smell
were sure to drag me straight to hell

i put so much strain on our relationship
that you had to back off and give me lip
constant requests to bring you out
denied every one except for a bout

a game of chess, the gauntlet thrown
every time i lost, my chance was blown.