man i was at this party
and this dude came up on me
and i said back up dude
he was so fucking rude
i'm fucking with you man
god i am so drunk
and i was blackout, damn
smoking on that skunk
(what'd you do?)
do? i fucking punched him
but i was so drunk man
man what was that guy's name?
carver or some shit
he was wearing a fucking suit
i told him to get the fuck down
but he didn't go on his own
(what'd you do?)
i don't even remember man
(no seriously, what'd you do?)
i don't even remember man
this dude came up to me
man i was at this party
he was so fucking rude
i told him to back the fuck up dude
(shut up and chug this beer)
There is a pantoum-quality in this poem with its repetition of lines and circling around the same idea . . . You do a good job with voice. It might be interesting if somewhere in here the drunk shows some insight, just to move it away from the predictable . ..
ReplyDeleteI think I was kind of playing around with rhyme scheme. Up until the other day, I hadn't realized that I was bad at poetry because I was forcing myself to rhyme everything with everything else. So I took this exercise as my chance to explore the different kinds of rhyme, which I feel like I included and varied in each stanza.
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