ode 8/10

intellect and cunning and bravery and wit
i sometimes stretch the truth, hoping to get lit
but that's where i crash, where we remain the same
where you don't want me but i sigh out your name
i feel like you think i need sex
nigga, i need YOU, what don't you get?
it's crushing me to learn more and more
how you want to explain while i want to explore
you finally have someone where there is mutual trust
i can't lie to you, i'm still feeling the lust
not the carnal right now, cause i actually don't like it
but those lips, those! lips! how long must i fight it?
it'll feel right when the love outpours
or maybe i'm fiending and it's just time for more
----
what will we do when i don't depend on white,
to sit around with you, talking all night?
i love your leisure, how you relax with my gaze
i think i'm still hiding now that i left the purp haze
but vices are crucial to pivotal moments and shit
cause when better to  be woke than when you're real fucking lit?
not saying we catapult from friends to fuckin'
but i'm so fucking tired of constant prebussing
like 'oh i'm sorry, i should say that i like you'
inwardly screaming 'oh fuck i can't even live without you'
which is really dramatic and not even true
he said we won't fuck so how can i know trust is true?
i trust him a lot and i wish i could say
that he seduced my thoughts, stopped me from walking away
well, look here buddy, i'm getting tired of .... what?
i guess i'm not really tired and i've not given up.

ode 9

why do you yawn whenever you lie?
why does your tone remind me to smile?
your teasing warms me to the bottom of my soul
it keeps me toasty while the rest of the loaf stays cold
not because they have no depth
but because i can't respect a lack of worth ethic
your eyes can lie, or my lips can be swayed
just remember the shifts where we both got paid.
something is happening, something beautiful and good
and i know you won't, but ...  fuck, i wish you would.

ode 7: being observed

confirmation bias is real and true
your mind's the same, even with the new 'do
finding your place, right here next to me
i would give you the last breath of me
love entrances me, makes me forget
who i was before you, when i wasn't wet
love is sex? or maybe not?
we could be soulmates or maybe rot
but when do kindred spirits mold together?
is it not through time spent, regardless of weather?
are you reading now what i write down?
will you want me to share or should i pipe down?
i'm swallowing my words because the pain's too thick
of how it feels to be denied your dick.

ode 6

wow okay, slow it down
you're just really high but your nose is brown
i see the way i look at you
when i feel your eyes so deep and blue
i want to be held, tell me it's alright
we can settle together, let's call it a night

ode 5: the misgendering

stagger out or stick around
run your mouth or stand your ground
don't flee when your feelings sting
but don't get mad cause you're helpless, g
you finally have someone to shoot the shit
but that don't mean i am your bitch
i ain't mad but i am a little miffed
that you would even say that shit
cause i'm HERE, BOY a masculine frame
and you didn't even ask my birth name?
that's years of respect, solidified in truth -
so why the slip-up? why so uncouth?
i understand curiosity and i'll explain myself
but that was a reach, dog, but blame myself
i spent so long trying to seduce
that i closed my eyes to the bitter truth
i love you and you love me
but we ain't romantic and never will be

personal process under the influence 48

flick of the wrist, supposedly it's out
little sniffles mean nothing, the big inhale tho? no doubt
mixing mediums of curiosity
please just pass a hit of tweed
if you wanna be lazy and say dumb shit
if you wanna be basic and always stay lit:
move to portland, go on, i dare you
but that house could break you - do you even dare, kid?

ode 4

functioning without you
is like waiting for skies of blue
while drops crash on fogged shields
not from loving, but from fear
trust is a dance that i didn't learn
i keep my distance but still i yearn
every day smiling because the need gives validation
forget smoking weed, snort up the retaliation
inhale and think, spew out some words
close your eyes, this shit is for the birds

prophecy 12

i'm making it happen because i need a new place
a new frame of reference, a new change of space
i want to fix it, to feel like i belong
like i'm the highest note of your favorite song
i wish i had confidence to live louder than words
that i could soar above my despicable germs

i wish for validity & i wish for free
i wish for walking & letting it be
i wish for boys too high to care
i wish for worried eyes & different hair
i wish for wealth & i wish for fame
i wish to stay masculine & change my name

ode 3

i could wish about you and me
now that we drift along so peacefully
sometimes caught up in forbidden glee
a welling beast of untamed sarcophony
and while you quell the roar of your apathy,
i'll be over here, preparing to flee
i mean,
just,
why won't you listen to me?

ode 2

if i were female, you claim it'd be a different story
but yeah, i'm a dude but dude don't you worry
i got us, we got each other
we both gotta fix our similar mothers
so handsome, so chiseled, convinced he's guided by god
not quite so unfamiliar to the independence that i call 'my bod'
maybe he just doesn't trust his body around me?
or maybe he doesn't see me like that & i'm barking up the wrong tree?

i guess at this point my psyche would latch onto just about anyone
so i guess that's the scariest part of it all now:  I ' v e  C o m e  U n d o n e

ode 1

most wallets stay stacked with cash
but only if you got the stash
when you stay, i feel like smiling
even if we pass time rewinding
am i interpreting too much into this?
am i destroying the one i want to kiss?
i don't know if true love is real
but i know i love learning your deal
how we smoke and chill and talk and laugh
how we look and dwell and turn so brash
i would apologize if i were sorry
but my gut is wrenching without your worry